we can CHANGE the world

An exiting new initiative to combat Climate Meltdown is launched by the charity 'Action 4 Environment NOW ! '
All households will be required to store their domestic faecal matter in containers supplied by their Local Council and transport it at their convenience to the windfarm of their choice. Here the faecal matter will be used in methane generators to provide back-up power for when it is not windy or too windy for the windfarms to work.
This requirement will be entirely voluntary and Councils will be rolling out a nationwide household sewage outlet blockage scheme at a cost yet to be determined.
" It's a bit like when everyone converted to Natural Gas really " said Ros D'Souza of 'Action 4 Environment NOW !
"Obviously all that driving about with a bootload of ordure will drive up demand for local windfarms so it's win-win all round " she added "because it means we can close down all the horrid coal power stations and won't need to build any more nuclear." she said ( www.action4environmentnow.gov.uk ).

The Faecal Facilitating Containers ( already dubbed " thunderboxes " by some wiley oldsters ) will be supplied by private contractors overseen by the regulator OffAEC who will also be responible for prosecuting those who seek to dispose of their Household Faecal Matter in any other way. Those found guilty by OFFAEC Inspectors of dumping their waste in their neighbours gardens or despoiling our wonderful countryside will be dealt with by £10,000 fines ( + £15 victim surcharge ) and placed on the Enviro Crime Register said Vic Straesar, CEO of OFFAEC.
He stressed " It is all about choice and diversity really. Householders can even choose to include their pets waste; community minded citizens may well volunteer to collect and transport their elderly neighbours or relatives Faecal Waste to the Community Windfarm as part of a fun day out for all the family".
Research has proved that this will save 20,000 tons of CO2 emmissions according to Ros and the benefits will treble when it is rolled out to pubs, restaurants, shops, places of worship and workplaces.

Alf Grumple of Northallerton said " Sounds like a right load of old shit to me ".