As I coldly struggled home in the dark through the bad streets of my red-brick Victorian suburb where the 10 inches of snow was not 'deep and crisp and even'; it has been reduced to about 2 inches of compacted black-ice pitted and scored with treacherous tyre and footprints. I noticed this chap in jogging gear pussyfooting over an iced up road junction and thought "what a wanker?" Then there was the rather iffy looking bloke who emerged from the siberian Municipal Gardens in a stupid hat, "prick" flashed across my brain before "aaaagh!" I've gone arse over tit crashing to the rock hard pavement smashing my knee and scraping my thigh and hands but luckily no head contact.
Naturally the 'wanker' and the 'prick' rushed to my aid with
"Are you alright mate?"
"Do you want a hand?"
"Your shoppings gone all over, don't worry, I'll get it"
"You sure you don't need an ambulance!"
By now I had recovered my composure sufficiently for my embarrassment to be more important than any possible injury.
"Nah, I'm alright mate (to the 'wanker') thanks anyway"
"Cheers mate, thanks no (to the 'iffy prick'), ta very much, I only live over there."
This is not intended to be a "Good Samaritan" post, it really happened.
Christmas Eve update
Stille Nacht
Merry Christmas everybody except Ed Miliband.
Letter to Mr Occupy (By Bill Quango MP)
-
*Mr Occupy.*
Capitalism and all that. Its a terrible thing and is doing its evil to
society
Some people have more than other people and some people didn't ...
1 minute ago
30 comments:
Blimey, there's a wanker and prick in my road as well.
Nice when it happens though, isn't it?
Unfortunately where I live they really ARE wankers and pricks There's the odd cunt as well...
Good Samaritans eh. Have you checked to see if you still have your wallet?
Oh Dear Banned! I'm sorry you had a slip and fall! These sidewalks are downright dangerous.
I hope you didn't break anything. Please wear some heavy gloves when you go walking about too, it helps a little bit. Don't be so hard on yourself, I don't think your thoughts about the two guys were "punishment". I tend to think the same things about 1/2 the psycho's I see walking the streets out here, and so far, I haven't slipped. God Willing I won't, it's very dangerous to walk. It's a miracle I didn't slip yesterday, had a long walk to and from the store! Maybe it's my nice new boots, good traction.
Merry Christmas and feel better soon.
Anony, hopefully the behaviour of your wanker and prick might be modified in extremes such as these.
Hi Caratacus and welcome; yes it was 'nice' as yoyu say for two complete strangers to come to my aid like that.
Dioclese & Norman Spack M.D. Quite likely in less pleasant cities the outcome would have been disastrous, the pack animals decsending on the wounded sheep sort of thing but happily not in this case.
Hey Bunni, no real damage, my knee isn't bruised and the scrape I felt on my hands and thigh was in fact just the shock of the cold. I was wearing Doc Marten boots but, like you say, I should get some gloves.
The reason for my fall? It happened on the corner into my cul-de-sac which, like almost every junction in town is fitted with sloping pavements to help the disabled but which in this case nearly added another one to the list!
Get these ice grips things for your boots banned. They even keep me upright so they must work. :)
Sound advice Subrosa.
Did I mention the guy who walked to work on Snow-Hell monday? Took him the usual half hour to arrive at 09:45 to begin work in the kitchens.
At 10am the Cleaning Manager pointed out that there was not a single car in the car park and that he should go home. At least they won't be able to dock him a days holiday pay!
Banned,,First off,,Merry Christmas!
You would seem to be the sort to bounce back quickly so I remain confident you are alright aside from a bruised ego. I mean that not as an insult but rather a time where "I feel your pain".
As to your "help", well I come from stock where that is the first reaction,,to help a fellow who maybe of need. Being of both American and Canadian blood w/Irish Heritage this sort of help is no stranger to me as I offer (when I see it helpful) it with caution at every oppertunity.
All in humanity is not lost,,,,,yet!
God punishes small sins straight away.
Merry Christmas you clumsy old fart!
banned:
Thank you so much for stopping by TCL to wish me a Merry Christmas. I have been so busy lately that I haven't been blogging much at all.
Thanks for notifying me about the "test post". I was afraid of that, but I was "experimenting" and now I can't get it to change.
I hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas and a blessed and happy New Year. I am so happy to have you and Spidey as my British on-line friends. It's great to get the perspective from the other side of the pond.
God Bless You. Here's a HUG!
Thanks for your best wishes. All the best to you and yours over the next few days.
If anyone is sad enough to be online - personally I shall be too pissed and sleeping off the turkey - I've scheduled a couple of 'appropriate' musical interludes for Christmas and Boxing Day!
I refuse to quit...well, for some time anyway.
Hi Chris, I bounced back fine though I was surprised to be entirely undamaged!
As Mark Wadsworth suggests, my fall was perhaps Gods response to me judgoing my fellow strugglers in such an uncharitable way.
Woodsie, less of the 'old' from you mate!
A woman came out of Tesco all upset and wailing "Isn't it terrible, they've run out of "sausages wrapped in bacon" and the kids will say that Xmas icn't the same without them"
I didn't bother to suggest doing the obvious.
TCL A Merry Xmas to you too, your blog is always interesting and although I tend not to comment upon USAcentric posts the insight you provide on American issues is always valuable given the poor coverage by the Brit msm.
Hi again Dioclese; it's just gone midnight into Xmas Day; I'm online not out of sadness but because my day begins with a car trip @5am hence almost total lack of alcohol.
I just visited www.metoffice.gov.uk and they are giving out -9C, brrrrr!
An awful lot of it about, banned.
May your Christmas be everything you want it to be!
Merry Christmas, you twisted old cunt!
Merry Christmas, Banned, have a good one, you legless old twat, and a very Happy New Year to you and yours.
Spidey ;-)
That fall was instant karma, Banned :-) Hope you have a lovely Christmas x
Banned, Did your fall possibly cause the Earthquake?
Stay safe my friend and again, Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas Banned, I hope santa was good to you and yours!
There are more good folk out there than bad. Worth remembering that occasionally.
Fausty, yup, sliping and sliding all over the palce.
Dark Lochnager, I'll see yees later, cunt; meanwhile hope you had a good one. btw, when is your mss's free again?
Spider, I was stone cold sober, honest!
Goodnight Vienna, that was covered by Mark, above. The best Xmas for some years in fact.
Chris. What earthquake?
Bunni Santa has always been good to me except for the Airfix model of the Saturn rocket which, while about 2 feet high, only had about 12 bits and a few transfers which was, in my humble opinion, a complete fucking rip off.
@Just woke up (aka Lazy bones), that is the point of this post, thank you.
I heard of a 7.6 earthquake like 140 miles south of Vanuatu.
OK Banned, you have me rolling with laughter today with your current post and now your story about the Airfix rocket!!!
I believe you, mate, thousands wouldn't! :-D
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