We all know that "be allowed" will soon come to mean "be compelled" as the compensation monkeys get going through the courts but I have a cunning plan.
I'm going to convert to Islam, find a likeminded chap and when the local Mosque refuses to marry us, (and instead threatens to throw us from the mountain) SUE THEIR FUCKING ARSES OFF for discrimination!
Gay 'marriages' to be allowed in church
That will make me rich enough to support the four spouses which Islam permits so I'll find three lady-wives to make it a happy fivesome and, of course, my man- wife will be entitled to three other spouses of his very own in any gender combination that he chooses.
Is this a good plan? suggestions or improvements welcomed.
28 comments:
I'll join you in a gay Muslim wedding on one condition- you have to wear the burqa.
OK, but only if I can choose it.
Your scaring me Banned. You sound like a socialist being your willing to give up on principle for money and devient sex.
Not a good plan.
I personally don't see a problem if poofters want a church wedding. I myself am gearing the self styled Church of Budvar to cater to their needs. It being a very exclusive venue, the rates work out with discounts for cash and therefore waive the VAT of around £375k a bash.
I've even been practicing my spiel. "Dearly beloved, we gather here today to witness the joining in holy matrimony of Trevor "the turd burglar" Thompkins and Filipe "felcher" Francis...".
I've done a business plan and everything, so fully expect them to be queuing out the door and halfway round the block to take advantage of my services.
Should my prices be a little rich for their tastes, I'm sure the Unitarian church over the road will do a £99, 10 minute special...
The bottom line is the government can impose all the compulsion it wants, but if you want to marry in my church you pay the going rate.
Christopher - banned is embracing the old Royal Navy toast of "Confusion To Our Enemies!"
Pick half a dozen contradictory pillars of our politically correct culture and crash them into each other at speed. Individually the Left would embrace all of these causes. But to do so in combination is impossible.
So we step away from the fuse and watch a lefty's head spin like a top before exploding.
I understand Eye just stating how I see the left for what it is.
I know in my heart that Banned would never leave the fold of humanity!
Oh Banned.. can it be a rainbow burqa? Please darling? You can wear the kippa, and I'll get the diversity cake
Oh praise be ... free at last, free at last. Banned, let's skip together to our favorite mosque.
There's a lot of love breaking out on this thread.
Banned, have you considered setting up a dating site?
All Seeing Eye said...
Christopher - banned is embracing the old Royal Navy toast of "Confusion To Our Enemies!"
Are you sure it's not "Any port in a storm" ASE?
I take it you will be honeymooning in Thailand, and flying with PC Air?
http://www.maxfarquar.com/2011/02/excess-baggage.html
Banned, you might be on to something there, but it will be very tiring for you, esp. with all those wives.
I think this is a very bad route for UK to take, then the so called "couples" will be allowed to get benefits from the state, like real married ones do, and that's more money out the window.
Cam is getting stupider every day.
Chris Ta for your concern but who said anything about s.e.x.? The entire arrangement would be strictly sans delicto as I am sure Ross understands.
Budvar That all seems very reasonable and I'm sure that the good people at Social Security will be more than happy to sign off the bills, " Felipe", nice touch.
"Shirtlifters R Welcome" won't sit well in the Parish magazines!
I am always cynical when the government releases controversy on a Sunday. What are they trying to hide?
Here's a suggestion for your bridal attire.
Indeed so All Seeing Eye They are presenting us with multi-culti bollox on the one hand andd multi-sexuality on the other and this is the very fine pickle that they end up in.
Nightwatchstate Do keep up dear, my burkha can be any colour I like, so long as it is black.
Woodsterman skipping with you would be great fun but I'm afraid that I'm already spoken for.
EYE have you considered setting up a dating site? Could I make tax free income out of that?
Caratacus What storm, which port?
Microdave Ah yes, the Ladyboys which Ms Harmon and her equality mingers have thus far ignored. They will soon be hoist aboard (to continue Mr Eyes naval allusion) just to add to the confusion.
Hi Bunni! tiring indeed but needs must.
Sadly it is a rout that we have already travelled. Despite polygamy being illegal in England some local councils see fit to cough up social security money for additonal wives of Moslems despite Islam saying that they can only have them if they can support them themselves instead of poncing off the likes of you and me.
William Yesterdays predictable but futile response from the Church Of Englands no2 I/C. Dr John Sentamu
we won't wed benders
Joe Public, great link which led to this
http://www.vimeo.com/15104826
(Caution, turn volume down if at work)
Back to you Bunni! You say "couples" but surely these arrangements would be known as "multiples" or "cultivles", I don't know, it's so difficult being modern.
Good idea, but where did you get the pic with the token black, (West Indian), man. Are you being racist?
Double-check whether your mosque is able to register marriages at all. The majority of mosques are just religious expressions, although our stupid courts and tax authorities keep according them a status which they don't have. They are no more legally relevant than handfasting.
You could end up honour-bound to Ross, which is very binding to men of good faith, but still not have the advantages of inheriting his property without tax if he checks out, and not being able to claim the social for him either.
Dark Lochnagar Dunno, where that pic is from but far from being racist I am being admirably inclusive in my depiction of my future extended family.
WoaR Oh dear, you seem to be spoiing the illusion; where do Moslems go to get married if not to the Mosque ir is it that some Mosques do and some Mosques don't?
btw, what is handfasting?
Muslims go to the register office to register the civil marriage. Very few mosques can register a marriage (I'm surprised they haven't made more of a fuss about it) and they won't be registering civil partnerships either.
As you have pointed out, our dumbcluck tax and benefits authorities will recognize your muslim girlfriend as one of several wives, but they won't do that for any other religion.
Handfasting is what people in Norfolk and assorted pagans do. They just swear to each other in front of witnesses. They don't believe the church has any power over them, nor the state, neither. Then they get pissed and juggle with flaming chickens, so it's probably true.
If you have a proper vicar, he'll do it too. Not the chickens. That part where he wraps the binding round your linked hands and makes two in to one. It can't be undone because the binding isn't in this plane.
Some people regard this as the important part. If you and Ross were to find a sufficiently liberal mosque they might bind you together in the eyes of Allah, although it doesn't seem likely.
As far as I can tell, both you and Ross would be able to claim to be muslim married and then argue that if a girl were entitled to benefits on that basis, so should you be. It would be an unholy mix of sex and religious discrimination.
Don't forget to have your honeymoon at the Pink House B&B, Brighton,
http://www.thepinkhousebrighton.co.uk/index.htm
so you can get in a compo claim on the basis of sex discrimination.
Unless you and Ross are going to go the whole hog and turn in to ladies as in Some Like It Hot?
"Unless you and Ross are going to go the whole hog and turn in to ladies as in Some Like It Hot?"
It's what I do most Friday nights anyway....
We used to do handfasting up here banned and some people still like to include it in their modern marriage ceremony. All part of our Pictish pagan culture I believe.
I'll do the flowers for you. My rates will be reasonable but the fee for travelling out of Scotland is £1000 basic. Transport costs are extra.
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